I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
