Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
