I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
