I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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