I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
