My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i now understand why vodka
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
