All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
