I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
