Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
