i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
