Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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