census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
