i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dicks are not precious.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
