your parents love me but you hate me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
