we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
