I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
whose parrot is this?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
