Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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