I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
