Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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