Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
