I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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