I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids