I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol