the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.