i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.