Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number