I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.