she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is