he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
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I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again