Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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