I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
