just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
