Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
