Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Please don't give away my fajitas
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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