and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
