i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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