I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
