when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
