My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
