just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
