Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
