Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
