Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
