Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
