Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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