Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
