If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
false alarm. still invincible.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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