WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
