he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
