sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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