my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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