He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
