she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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