I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
