Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
