take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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