She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
