What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
