I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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