Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
