Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
