so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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