I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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