I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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