shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
