I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
