You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
