trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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