Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize