My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
