This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
