2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
