My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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