good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
