I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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