Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
