video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
