No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
