My hand turned me down
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
