first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
