how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
