Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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