I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
